The meeting between Trump and Zelenskyy last week was very uncomfortable to see.
I have always found bullying very hard to watch, yet it happens more than people think.
People often imagine that it is just something that happens between children, or at school, but, as we saw on Friday, it is a behaviour that extends to adults and supposedly responsible politicians.
While it can be quite difficult to define bullying, it can be described as unwanted behaviour from a person or group that can happen pretty much anywhere, at home, in the workplace or socially, and is either: offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting or an abuse or misuse of power that undermines, humiliates, or causes physical or emotional harm to someone
It can be a one-off, or a regular pattern of behaviour, be face to face or online, be obvious or subtle. Often, people might not be aware that they are using bullying behaviours. Sometimes people can accuse others of bullying as a way of bullying themselves. Often the behaviour reflects the bully’s own weaknesses, and is meant to try and intimidate and control: it may not actually be deliberate.
However, those being bullied are very rarely in any doubt about what is happening. However, the behaviour can be so widespread and so entrenched that people become used to it. It is normalised.
Bullying typically results in the victim feeling upset, undermined, anxious, and, if it goes on long enough, useless and worthless. The long-term effects of bullying can have a devastating impact on someone’s life.
Some of the emotional and psychological suffering people feel can stem from trauma brought on by bullying – especially if there is no ‘obvious’ other cause.
The most important thing to do if you are being bullied is to talk to someone about it. Sharing your experience will help you deal with it and put the experience into some sort of context. Much easier to say than to do, is to try and talk to the bully (or ask someone else to on your behalf).
Schools and organisations will generally have policies in place to try and address the issue, and you should use those where they exist. But in families and friendship groups it is much harder. In extreme situations, you should look for support elsewhere. This is not a failure, but a very sensible course of action.
Zelenskyy, thankfully, has many allies, and can rationalise the behaviour the actions of the American leaders. But he is exceptional. Most of us need more support to cope.
