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Clare Honeyfield on dealing with trolls and haters

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There’s been a lot of talk about trolls and haters this week, so this platform seems like a great place to air this.

Get yourself a comfy seat and your favourite summer drink.

We are GOING IN!

Mainly people have been asking me about my experience, how it affects me and if I’m ok?

Yes thanks I’m great

Does it bother me?

Not really I’m used to it

Here’s the thing though

Fear of what other people think is the ONE major factor which stops people, and women in particular, from doing what our hearts desire in life. Women I work with are very often reluctant to grow their business because they fear feeling exposed, judged and looked down on.

Here’s what I tell them;

  • Nobody who’s ever done what you are attempting to do is ever going to put you down or judge you 
  • What other people think of me is none of my business
  • Building a business is a spiritual experience, and the INNER work is the deciding factor of success. Many people give up because they don’t feel worthy, lose faith or don’t have a clear outcome. It’s all about building that sense of WHO WE ARE. That’s what I’ve done and that’s what I help others do. 

So back to the comments section. Most people are neutral to most things. People may enjoy your creativity quietly in the background. If you have the aim of helping ONE person then you can never fail. Put the mission of contribution above the mission of wealth and you will NEVER lose. 

So what’s the difference between trolls and haters? Trolls go to the trouble of setting up fake social media accounts with a made up name, no clue to their identity. The ultimate cowardly act really, in the online world.  

Haters are just like me and you. Maybe 5 years ago. Your haters are really your biggest fans. They do the algorithm work all by themselves. Not many people know this, but HATERS is actually an acronym for “Having Anger Towards Anyone Reaching Success” So if you have haters, congratulations, you’ve made it!

What’s noticeable for me is that often the haters don’t read beyond the headline, which is interesting. 

Although the comments sound personal, they are not. It’s just the way our primitive brains are wired, to always look for what’s wrong in everything, and it’s something I am always aware needs more work every day in my own life. A great reminder really. 

I think the most remarkable thing for me is that all the work I’ve done with mentors and coaches and all of the inner healing work means that I can be so focussed and have such clarity on my own values, my vision for my life, my mission and my purpose that I genuinely no longer care about what people think about me – unless they are people I look up to or love. In which case I welcome their feedback. 

And I’m more than happy to break societal norms around appearance, age, being single and happy with life and every other stereotype anyone might like to throw at me. Because I’m happy with my choices. And I’m nearly 61, which means I could easily  only have ten, twenty or thirty years of fun here on earth left, or one day even, so why would I let the comments section affect my happiness? Nothing in life is guaranteed. 

It all comes back to a few simple thoughts. If people are having a go at me they are not having a go at someone else. And if I help one person to have a better day, I’m happy.

If that changes then I have a solid support system of friends I can call and chat through my feelings, So thanks for asking, I’m good. This hasn’t always been the case, and that’s where the work is. 

If this gives you the courage to put yourself out there a tiny bit more, then I’m happy. 

Go do you. 

I believe in you 

Clare Honeyfield is a high-performance coach working with creators, change-makers and rule-breakers for a better world. 

 Clare is the founder of “All Networking”, “Small Talk at the Long Table”,  Stroud Farmers’ Market, The Made in Stroud Shop, author of ‘Artisan Stroud’ and best selling co-author of “Your Best Life” 

www.clarehoneyfield.co.uk

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